When you find the perfect place for your child...

As a Mom to 3 children, I seem to find myself at many parks, playgrounds, farms and soft play centres. I'm used to rocking up with a packed lunch and a bag full of spare clothes, ready to spend the day at said place.

That was until Reuben arrived and we quickly came to the conclusion that he's not your A typical child. By this I mean he hates other children, hates crowded places and hates loads of noise. So, trips to the park, playground or farms are actually really difficult and can be painfull..not only to him but to us too.

We have tried to take him to parks in the summer holidays, told him that its really fun...hell, I've even forced him to go on the play things for heaven's sake. But the truth of the matter is, he's just not into them.

A few years ago, I came across an adventure park near to where we live.
We went with a charity called SPDC (there's a blog post all about them on here too) and I have to say, its one of the best places we have taken Reuben.

I was dubious at first and thought the trip would end up like all the other ones, where we are there for 10 minutes then packing up and in the car before we have even got settled. But this place was different.

The adventure park is called Sycamore Adventure Centre in Dudley, West Midlands. We went there as part of a SEN session so it was a lot calmer and quitter...not too busy.

On arrival, Reuben just ran off and played until his hearts content. I simply couldn't believe it.

The park is set up to encourage play, the good old fashioned play that we used to do when we were kids. There's no televisions, no state of the art technology, just good old fashioned toys and stuff to play with. There are play workers there who supervise but no interfere, they play alongside the children and if that means building things with sticks they have found or rolling around in the sandpit, then that's what they do. Its brilliant!

To make it even more fantastic, there's a fence all the way around the park which I think makes Reuben feel secure ( and stops me from stressing that he is going to get lost) There's slides, swings, football, den's,climbing frames, things to climb in and under, a water wall, a log cabin that they call the hobbit house and they even have a real jeep and motorbikes that the children can play on (obviously not working. they are set in in the ground and all the engine parts taken out)

Reuben loves nothing more than to run around, dip his head in the water wall, climb into the tree house or dig around in the sand pit. He seems so at ease at Sycamore that its really lovely to see him so relaxed. There's plenty of space for him to not feel like the place is crowded and going to the SEN sessions is a lot better for him as he knows a lot of the children that attend.

Along with all the play equipment there is also a café and Reuben loves their chips. In fact everytime we go, he always asks if its time for chips yet (this can be as early as 10am!) they also do a great cup of tea, which is great for me as I can sit back and chill while knowing that Reuben is safe and happy.

Visiting Sycamore is always such an enjoyable time and Reuben always leaves with a gigantic smile on his face (and soaking wet, covered in sand) This is why I think places such as these should be recognised and shouted from the roof tops, so that other parents that are struggling to find somewhere for their child to go and be happy can find out abut them. I'm just so glad that we have found it because I know that we will be using it in years to come!

Here's the website if you fancy visiting..

http://www.sycamoreadventure.co.uk/

And here is the play timetable with the SEN sessions...

http://www.sycamoreadventure.co.uk/play/

Told you he always has a smile on his face at Sycamore

  Reuben never comes away dry or clean but its all part of the fun, right???

Reuben's first time on a Go-Kart!

surviving the dreaded summer hols...

If you are anything like me, you will be dreading 4pm as that's the start of the school summer holidays!

Don't get me wrong, I love my 3 children dearly. Well, my eldest is 21, so not so much a child but you get my gist. I just cannot bear the summer holidays, its far too long and the children just get bored which then makes my life stressful. Add into the mix of having a child with additional needs and that's a whole different story!

Reuben hates crowds, he hates other children and he hates having no routine, so the long 6 weeks of no school is very hard for both him and me. Parks are Reubens's idea of hell and the free activities at the library just fills him with dread, so what do I do to try and make the holidays as stress free as I can?

I have put together 10 things I do to help survive the summer holidays, so that by the end of them you still have your sanity....hopefully!!!


1. Organise

I can't emphasise this enough when you have a child with additional needs.
I plan activities in advance and that way the holidays don't seem so daunting. I check out all the activities that are on especially for children with additional needs. This way Reuben will probably be with children that he knows from school or other clubs he attends and they will be run in a way that suits Reuben i.e quiet, not too many children etc.
Book these clubs/activities early so that they get a place.


2. Try to stay in routine as much as possible.

Reuben loves routine, when things change and he doesn't know what's happening, it makes his anxiety heighten along with his stress levels (and mine)
I try to get up at the same time (yes, its annoying not laying in bed or staying in your pajamas all morning)  keep breakfast routine the same and lay out his clothes for the day as I would for school days. Brushing teeth and getting hair done also helps as this sets Reuben up for the day.
Once morning routine is done, we are then ready to face the day.


3.  Child friendly calendar or visual timetable

One thing that unsettles Reuben is the not knowing what he is doing. At school, he has a clear timetable of the activities/lessons that he is doing throughout the day. He can go and look at this and instantly see what he is doing that day.
I have brought Reuben a calendar that has big clear boxes to write in. I have written down all the activities that are happening throughout the summer. This way he can look at the calendar and see in an instant what we are doing that week.
For children that can't read, use a visual timetable. This can be made up of symbols, photos etc to show your child what they are doing either that day or that week. all depending on what is best for your child.
I will even add on to this calendar when the car is in for service or when Dad is on a trip as he will be around when these things happen and it wouldn't be such a panic for him.


4.  Early park visits

When I say Reuuben doesn't like the park, its more of a fact that he doesn't really like other children. They make him anxious as he can't predict what they are going to do.
So, obviously when its the summer holidays, the parks in the middle of the afternoon are going to be rammed with hundreds of  over excited children (Reuben's complete and ultimate worse nightmare)
To give Reuben the opportunity to play at the park and have that park experience, I get up early and get to the park early. That way the park is more or less empty and Reuben can feel comfortable playing at ease without the stress of other children being loud and boisterous.


5.  Online shopping

This is a God send and who ever invented this must be given a medal.
Reuben hates shopping of any kind so attempting the weekly food shop with him in tow is a no-no.
In the summer holidays I order my food shop on line and get it delivered in the morning. This way it comes just in time for when we are nearly out of milk and it can be put away so we can then get on with our day. Reuben usually likes to "help" put it away or get it off the delivery driver...this usually takes me another 4 hours but hey ho, its something to keep him occupied.
If you haven't got a computer or access to the internet or like me you forget to order it in time, then I do the food shop in the evening when Reuben is in bed. His Dad will stay at home with him and I will trot off to get the food shop done in peace. (this also gives you a bit of time by yourself without having the kids asking you a million and one questions and gets you out the house for a hour or so...so a winner all round)


6.  Picnics

I don't know about your kids but mine always seem to be hungry when they are at home. They seem to be constantly asking for snacks or helping themselves to food.
Everyone loves a picnic, so we have about 7689 of these during the summer hols and the rain doesn't put us off.
Weather permitting, we have a picnic outside when we can (this can also turn to your advantage as there's less mess in the house ha!) We usually invite the various stuffed toys that are piled up in Reuben's room and on his bed.
Of course British weather isn't always great and it wouldn't be much fun sitting in the rain eating soggy sandwiches. So, we have an indoor picnic instead.
Again, the stuffed animals all come along and my dining room resembles a Build a Bear shop but its all fun and Reuben enjoys it.
There's nothing better than sitting on a blanket with all the coloured plastic plates or paper plates filled with sausage rolls, sandwiches, chocolate fingers and cake!


7.  Movie time

Whether its raining or sunny, sometimes its just nice to lay on the sofa and watch a classic.
Reuben sometimes gets a little tired (and fed up) of being outside so its great when we can put a film on and snuggle on the sofa for a couple of hours.
I let him have "Stinky Blanket" his comforter so he's nice and relaxed and we can while away a couple of hours...I can sometimes get a cheeky half hour nap in too!  Works for everyone.


8.  Ask for help

A really important one as the summer hols can be completely exhausting no matter how hard you have planned it.
We all need some time on our own so sending the kids off to the grandparents for a couple of hours is great. Not just for them but for us too.
Reuben loves to go to his grandparents to play in the garden, visit other family members or just go for tea. I also love it as it gives me some time just to enjoy a cuppa in peace, to catch up on jobs or to spend with my daughters.
Asking for help isn't failing. At the end of the day, if you are all worn out or loosing your shizzle then you can't be the best parent to them. By having that time to relax and get your head together, you will be a much nicer, calmer parent to be around, making smiley, happy children.


9. Tat

By Tat I mean Poundland/Poundworld and all those other types of shops toys or crafting equipment.
Now before I get sued, I'm not saying that their stuff is all rubbish or tat but its cheap, it doesn't matter if it gets broken or thrown away as it doesn't cost much and it keep the kids amused for a few hours.
I usually go into these shops before the hols and stock up on arty things or stuff for the garden, then on rainy days or those afternoons when you feel like you're tearing your hair out, pull the tat out and it can keep them quiet for a while.
Top tip...items from these shops also make brilliant rewards if you have a behaviour chart on the go!


And last but not least..

10. Bedtime routine

As I mentioned before, Reuben is most happy when he is in a routine so bedtime is no different. I always keep these the same as to when he is at school.
Don't get me wrong, he stays up a little later but keeping the whole routine before bed is always the same. Baths or showers followed by drink and snack (which will probably be his 898095 snack of the day) then tele time and bed.
I find by letting Reuben have his tele time, it calms him down in time for getting some sleep. It also gives me an extra half hour to either run around and tidy the house or collapse into the sofa for a bit of quiet time.

I really hope these have been helpful but remember the main aim is to have fun. It doesn't matter that your house doesn't look like a show home for next 6 weeks or that the ironing pile resembles Mount Everest. At the end of the day when they go back to school in September, all they and you will remember is the wonderful memories..

Have fun and if all else fails, drink wine 😀

Grrrrrr.....school Transport

School transport....those mere words strike anger and fear into me!

Reuben attends a special school and has done now for the past 2 years. Unfortunately the school is on the other side of the borough, so takes a good half an hour to get to (if the road Gods are on our side)
So, its completely impractical for us to take him and pick him up every day which means he has to go on school transport.

I. Hate. It!!!!!

The whole provision is just not fit for purpose and I can't for the life of me understand why the council/ government are allowing it to be used.

RANT ALERT (be warned).....

The transport do not communicate with parents, they do not communicate with the school and they do not communicate with the IPTU  (Integrated Passenger Transport Unit i.e the people behind the desk that seem like they are organising it all but in fact they are doing sod all!)
No-one has a clue as to what's going on if there is ever a problem which makes it so unbelievably unsafe, it's a joke!

I am basically handing over the care and responsibility of my very vulnerable child to a driver that I know nothing about, an escort that I have no clue about and whether or not they have any experience with children with additional needs. Then, there's the whole bus and whether it even safe to be on the road.

I know you're probably thinking why I send my child on transport...
But, without transport how is my child going to attend the school he feels comfortable in, happy in and where the staff are trained to look after his needs???

At the start of the process of applying for transport, we had to fill a form out. On this form we put the obvious information i.e name, address etc but we also put down what my child's needs were, diagnosis was, what his behaviour is like and all the other information that they would need to be able to care for him and look after him on the journey to and from school.

There are not any forms, information sheets, meet and greets etc for us parents to be introduced to the driver, the escort and for our child to see the bus that he will be travelling on. We are not shown any kind of paperwork to prove that these people are trained, experienced and even CRB (I think the name has changed now for their check) checked.

In the past 2 years, Reuben has had numerous bus changes, driver changes and escort changes. This has completely messed him up and brought his anxiety to a peak, even to the point that he was being sick every morning due to the anxiety of not knowing what bus was going to turn up, who was going to be on the bus. Yet, when we phone the transport office at our local council (the numbers they provide us with) they either don't pick up or have absolutely no idea what's going on.

If an incident happens on the bus, which it has done on a few occasions on Reuben's bus, I have found out about them from Reuben. So, I go back to the transport people at the council and again am met with complete cluelessness as the bus company has not informed them of anything.

How is this allowed to happen???

It seems to me that the bus companies are allowed to do as they please, whether that be changing buses at the drop of a hat, change escorts and drivers with no notice or not report incidents that have happened to school, the parents or the transport office.....Safeguarding is the word that keeps popping into my head!

I really do think that the whole transport system needs to be changed or at the very least updated and someone needs to be accountable. As at this time, no body communicates with one another and that can be very dangerous. Will this ever happen...probably not, well, not until a serious accident has occurred.

So for now, we have to continue to put our trust into the escort, bus driver, transport company and transport office to take our son to and from school in a safe and happy environment.

Happy 70th Birthday NHS

To celebrate the NHS turning 70, I thought I would write a letter of thanks to them!

Dear NHS

Up until 11 years ago, I don't think I have ever appreciated what you actually do.

I took for granted the births of my daughters, the A&E trips with them for childhood accidents and even the operation my daughter had to correct her lazy eye. I took for granted the support of the midwives when I go at home, the doctors appointments for them when they had a medical issue and even the nurse that visits their school.

That was until, 11 years ago when I went for my first scan to be told that there may be something wrong with my baby and that he may have a genetic disorder.

The NHS provided extra scans and midwife appointments to make sure my baby was fit and well during pregnancy, a team of proffessionals during my birth and doctors doing tests after he was born.

11 years on and we still don't have a name for his condition but the support of the NHS continues. We have visited a lot of hospitals, had many, many conversations with doctors and been to many clinics.

It hasn't all been plain sailing and rosey. We have been failed by NHS staff a few times, been let down and have had to fight for a lot of things but part of me thinks that the reason for these failings is that the NHS is just so strained. Clinics are overloaded, staff are worked too hard and there's just not enough money for the NHS.


Putting those negatives aside, the positives are that we as a family have been supported through our journey with our sons Undiagnosed condition.

When we think of the NHS, we think of hospitals, doctors and nurses but that's just a handful of what the NHS is. If it wasn't for the speech and Language therapists, occupational health therapists, educational pyscologists etc, I'm not sure where we would be. These are the people that I think don't get recognised.

So, a big thank you to our NHS, because without you our son would not be able to live the life he leads.