Monday 3 September 2018

The day before...

So, we have reached the end of the loooooonnng summer holidays!
I survived...just!!!


But with the end of the holidays comes the start of the worry belly's, scratchy throat and achy bum's (that's what Reuben calls all his "things" when he is worried and anxious)

I find that as the new school term approach's, Reuben anxiety heightens and along come his various "things" that he suffers with when he is anxious. He will usually start getting up that little bit earlier in the mornings and as soon as he is up, he cannot and will not keep still.

The pacing starts and the playing stops. In fact in the run up to the start of school, Reuben plays less and less. He becomes less sociable and very own agenda. Reuben will spend most of the day just walking around the house whilst fiddling with his lanyard. If we are out and about, he will become switched off to what is happening around him and we usually have to hold his hand at these points as he will continually bump into things and people.

Next comes the repetitive questions or conversations. Reuben loves predictability, its not really the answer that he wants but the comfort of hearing the same thing over and over. It brings him assurance (well, until he asks the question again 2 minutes later) We quite often have the same conversations with him numerous times during the day, sometimes one after the other barely 2 seconds apart and yes, I do want to punch myself in the head after having said conversation 40 times by 10am.


But, we have to go through this process with him so that he can work through the anxiety and keep it under control until he is back at school and is happy that its all going to be ok. It is exhausting for him and us and I quite often find myself muttering under my breath, words (that I shall not repeat on here) and I do go to bed with a headache but this is what we have to do to keep Reuben's anxiety under control.

 We then have the physical aspects of Reuben's anxiety. We are still not sure exactly what he does experience or feel but he is constantly telling us that he has an "achy bum". When he gets this, the only comfort he has is to have his trousers and pants sitting just below his bottom. As you can imagine, this is not ideal when we have guests over or if we are going out. So, we have put in place a rule for him when he has an achy bum and that is, he can have his bottom out but only in his bedroom. When he is downstairs or we are out, the bottom needs to be put away...and so far, this is working!

Another physical aspect Reuben gets is a scratchy throat and a tickle belly. The scratchy throat is a fairly new one and at first I generally thought he had a sore throat, so was giving him Calpol. I have since discovered that this is just another of Reuben's "things" that he gets whilst feeling anxious. There is no cure or remedy for this, we just have to get him to have a drink and talk about (again!!!) what ever it is that's making him anxious. The tickle belly is an old one and this gets worse, the more anxious Reuben is.

The tickle belly is an old one and this gets worse, the more anxious Reuben is. There have been times when Reuben's anxiety has been that bad that after having the tickle belly for a while, he is actually sick. Again, there's really nothing that can be done to make this better or to go away.

Today we have talked to death the time he is being picked up tomorrow, the escort he's having on the bus, the time he is coming home and the teacher that he's got. We have talked about it so many times and I felt like an automated voice recording when answering him about it all. But tomorrow hasn't come yet!

Let me talk you through what our morning will be like tomorrow....

  • Reuben will wake very early, probably around 5-6am
  • He won't eat any breakfast but will have a few sips of tea
  • He will be physically shaking
  • He will tell me 100 times before 7am that he has a tickle belly, achy bum and scratchy throat
  • He will pace
  • He will be sick
  • He will pace so more
  • He will have toilet accident
  • He will pace again
I absolutely hate seeing him like this and it breaks my heart but there's nothing I can do other than to keep talking to him, give lots of hugs and reassure him as much as I can because its his anxiety and nothing I will do will take it away.

So, I'm going to go now and enjoy a cup of tea, read my book and prepare myself for all of the above tomorrow morning.

Big hugs to anyone that's going to have a similar morning tomorrow or when ever their little ones first day of school is. You're not alone xxx